National Coming Out Day

I don’t really have a good post for Coming Out Day, mostly because I have really bad memory, and because when I actually came out, people weren’t surprised, and people didn’t really care. I’m fortunate to be one of the few whose parents and family were supportive and loving. They didn’t disown me, and the only thing they show me every day is how much they care. So even though it’s late, my Coming Out Day post is about being a gay kid trying to come to terms with himself.

I just remember shades of emotions and islands of little memories. I remember being sad a lot, and not being understood. I remember hiding it all behind a big smile and laughter. I remember loving comedy, and jokes, because it can hide the unpleasantness. I remember being drawn to characters that knew how to hide their demons and slapped a smile on their face, because I related. To this day, I escape with video games and laughter, because it’s much easier than talking about something that gives me great pain.

One of the things I remember about being gay while I was a young teen growing up is how scared I was. I grew up in a Catholic household, with supportive parents and siblings who didn’t hate me, but I was still afraid. I was afraid because I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. I was afraid because I didn’t fit into what everyone thought a boy should be. I was in a school surrounded by guys who were being whatever being a man was, much better than I was.

There were times when my older brothers or classmates would ask why I would run a certain way; or talk a certain way, or why I picked girls in video games, or why I loved the color purple as though it were a condemnation of these things as a boy–and it made me doubt myself. It made me retreat into myself. I decided to write, and to sing, and to express myself in ways that I couldn’t because I had to outwardly present as something else so that I could conform and survive. I know I didn’t do a good job, and I laugh about it now with my family because I can now–but back then, I remember just feeling how…wrong everything was.

I remember calling a friend on the telephone to ask about homework, and his older brother asked if he had a girlfriend. I was THAT shy. I was THAT softspoken, because I didn’t want to rock the boat. And even though I had a wonderful support system, and maybe all I needed to do was tell them, it took me until I was eighteen, and in college, to say anything out loud.
In some ways, I think coming out saved my life.

Now that I’m an adult and out and proud, I have a different set of problems. Being gay in this life is still really difficult, but it’s a whole different ballpark now. I’m thankful to have come out, because I still have the love and support of my family and friends and it shows me that they love me for who I am. But the scars of growing up scared, and afraid, of feeling like I wasn’t man enough, or strong enough–not masculine enough–still remain. Life as a gay person is hard, and it’s lonely…sometimes, I feel like it’s that way even more so than for straight people. But I’m not here to compare wounds or to call my pain worse than other people’s. I’m just here to share my story.

If anything else, I hope these shades of emotions can show other scared, little gay children, teenagers, and adults who are still deep in the closet, that they’re not alone.

Warmth of His Light: Now Released, and Other News and Updates

First, An Apology…

Hi everyone!

It’s been a long time since I updated my website and I apologize sincerely for this. I wanted to get my writing done, but I am but one man doing all of this, and I have to manually add in all of my books into the galleries provided here!

Still, that’s no excuse for the fact that I haven’t updated. I just wanted to at least give a reason (but not a justification) for why it’s been such a long time, with no real updates. Rest assured that the updates will continue, and I will chug on as best as I can to finish this website!

In this blog post I’d like to talk about my latest release (for which I’d like to thank the many, many readers who have bought a copy and enjoyed so much that they reached out to me,) talk about the upcoming sequel(s) to the book, and also a couple of other series and continuations of past series in the works!

Warmth of His Light (Blanchard Coven 1) Out Now!

When Eos Hawthorne went to meet a friend one evening, he never expected his entire life to change. As if stumbling across a group of men fighting in an abandoned lot by his home wasn’t shocking enough—one of those men suddenly attacks him…with fangs and claws.

Vampire coven leader Julien Blanchard is having a bad day. After failing to apprehend a murderer and traitor to his coven, the absolute last thing he needed was a hapless human stumbling into the picture— especially an intriguing young man who, as it turns out, happens to be his mate.

Eos doesn’t know if he believes in mating, and knows nothing about the supernatural world he is suddenly thrust into. Julien is a vampire who has always put his coven and his duty first.

Will their burgeoning love be enough to see Eos safely through the dangers he finds himself in? And even more so, can it make the cold-blooded Julien relinquish control and embrace Eos, and the warmth of his light?

Warmth of His Light is NOW RELEASED and you can get it here!

Other Blanchard Coven Books

The sequel to Warmth of His Light, is called Under His Spell and will be released sometime in the second half of this year. As soon as it’s finished, you will all know! For now, I hope that it’s okay to say that the book is about Elijah. 🙂 And because I’m a bit of a brat and a tease, please enjoy this cover teaser!

In Other News…

Although I’m not very sure how many people out there actually enjoyed the Elysian Heights series, I’m pleased to say that I’m going to be rebooting it soon. I’m working with my editor now and will be re-releasing it as a self-published title, complete with added chapters, with more things fleshed out. As one of my favorite video game developers says frequently, please look forward to it!

I’m also going to be starting a new human omegaverse mpreg series called the Wesley Harbor Happily-Ever-Afters. I’ve been caught up reading so much of it that I hope sincerely people enjoy it!

Picking Up The Pieces: Now Released!

I’m Noah Linkletter, and I’m broken.

Shattered, really—and I’ve been trying my best to ignore my problems by chasing temporary highs wherever I can find them. I put my makeup on and dance my way through a club, and by night’s end, I find a man who’s willing to indulge in a little act of sin to help me forget the demons in my own head.

It only takes one moment for my entire world to turn upside down. I’m left bloody and beaten, but even through the haze I meet him.

Farid Hassan.

A man who is strong and intimidating yet calm and patient. A man who wants me, despite my demons. A man so wonderful, he’s willing to help pick me up the pieces.

Maybe he’ll succeed.

Get it on Amazon here.

loud sobbing

sometimes it’s just nice to write freeform.

without any expectations for what can and can’t be

and the page is blank, but filled with possibility.

it could be a poem, or a haiku, or a story

ultimately, it’s up to me.

why is it, then that the moment my fingers press the keyboard

that i am stuck on the endless possibility?

nobody can say no

I had a conversation with some close friends earlier where it seemed to me that some of what I said may be misconstrued in a lot of different ways. Written communication is something I think I’m good at, but when it comes to actual, verbal, using-my-voice communication? I still think I have a long way to go. 😀

Usually, I like to make it clear when we’re sharing anecdotes or stories that I know that my experiences aren’t universal: they’re personal. I know some of my conclusions and generalizations may be wrong, and I’m glad to have it changed by more people that I meet and more experiences that people share with me.

Whatever I’ve experienced is sure to be different from what other people have, too!

But I’m glad I have such understanding people around me who are willing to listen and understand that I never come from a place of hatred. Annoyance or anger? Sometimes. Hatred? Never.

Hopefully one day I’ll have enough berth of experience to be definitive over whatever I say, but until then, I’m always glad to hear new perspectives; be openminded about the fact that whatever I’ve seen is not necessarily what other people have seen; and to always remember that when it comes to people, it’s always case-by-case basis.